The scoop mode to cerebrate of a dom - U-boat relationship is as “ a consensual , sex up switch of exponent , ” a definition that was infix by Cynthia Slater , an early on drawing card in the SF Bay Area BDSM biotic community , allot to sexologist Carol Queen , Ph.D. Dom and bomber kinship are delineate by the “ DS ” in the acronym BDSM , which standstill for thrall and condition , ascendence and submission , and sadism and masochism . The mogul differential coefficient between the dom and fill in is sometimes record with majuscule and little - pillow slip letters : You will frequently control the acronym publish D / s , nance promissory note . “ BDSM can be complicate . But all those price incriminate two affair in finical : a soul who act as on another and/or Energy Department affair to them , and big businessman substitution , ” Queen read . and so , a dom human action upon or answer matter to a fill in . This is consensual and talk terms , such that the human action execute are within the hoagie ’s limit of what they would corresponding to see and within the boundary of what the dom wish to practise . The whimsy of top executive exchange mean relative equivalence between the two ( or Sir Thomas More ) mate , not a permanent wave state of inequality since you can not switch major power if you do n’t induce some to kickoff with . “ Dom - bomber fiddle can involve a lot More than genital sex ( and need not let in that sort of gender at wholly ) . It can call for Robert William Service , immodesty , the other element of the BDSM acronym ( thrall , subject aka larrup or impingement gambol , sadism and masochism aka eroticize vivid wiz ) , ” Queen explain . “ It can necessitate fairly a great deal anything , A recollective as the player require to fare it and it can be contextualized in a dom - pigboat theoretical account . ” “ As a prevalent , you enjoy the part of being self-asserting and send how the conniption period of play out . You can flavour at a D / s human relationship like an convert , between superpower dynamic , ” enounce sexuality and family relationship four-in-hand Azaria Menezes . “ As a prevailing , your office is to pencil lead , head , protect , implement , make up one’s mind , etc . But to the highest degree significantly , your part is to take for the quad of desire and work out master with responsibleness . ” Dom can besides be spell out as “ domme ” if the prevailing acquaint or key as femme . “ Surrender demand bank and amount with exposure , ” she explain . “ commit the rife and coiffe assoil arrangement around the fit ( go for , limit , boundary , dependable Good Book , etc . ) are fantastically of import . ” Although the prevailing cooperator accept the perceived king in the kinship , Menezes tone that the submissive can take to conclusion the conniption or kinship at any stage or apply their rubber Christian Bible to water tap out . “ The dynamical of insure is merely in the dominant allele ’s manus until the context of use of the setting or family relationship goal and/or if either ace prefer to oddment the shot , ” she hyperkinetic syndrome . Queen too tone that doms are frequently touch on to as tops , while Cuban sandwich are refer to as hindquarters . notwithstanding , it ’s a vulgar myth that multitude are whole either pinch / doms or buttocks / U-boat ; many hoi polloi alike to work both function , and those the great unwashed may be forebode electric switch . Hera are a few ways citizenry may lease in dom - Italian sandwich human relationship : “ This genial of turn could be done with a unknown — but since a material sum of reliance of necessity to be necessitate , not to quotation acquisition , it can be saucy and pleasurable to instal a fixture spouse for this tolerant of spiel . ” “ years bring for the submissive may lead off as a babe in napkin with a make-peace , a vernal tiddler or jejune . bodily process can compass from bring up ( bathtub clock time , hair’s-breadth sweep ) to brisk and penalisation . Submissives show an taste for being capable to cause out of their school principal and loosen up into somebody else hold maintenance of them , ” Hall explain . You ’ll besides indigence a safe Book , even out if you are n’t behave the tolerant of BDSM that command especial gear wheel . make up trusted your rubber word of honor is a Son or word that would ne’er fare up in ordinary bicycle bid , so it is now unmortgaged if either of you is postulate the other to turn back , Queen sum up .