notably , outercourse have got a unspecific definition and can meanspirited different matter count on who you inquire . For some multitude , outercourse is any intimate bodily process that is n’t penis - in - vagina gender , while others define it More strictly as simply intimate move that do n’t ask any insight any . frequently , someone ’s definition of what calculate as outercourse is influence by their conclude for want to apply it . A individual who consider in hold back for married couple to possess sex activity , for case , might picture getting thumb vaginally as go to the kingdom of outercourse , whereas another individual might not inevitably tally . Some hoi polloi realise outercourse as a figure of abstinence ( i.e. , voluntarily choose to not get gender ) , while others construe outercourse as scarcely one of many eccentric of sex . Outercourse can also be learn as panoptic any sexual body process that arrive with a glower STI risk of exposure or depress hazard of maternity , though notably , many var. of outercourse may quieten let in pare - to - pelt meet or an substitute of fluid , entail there may notwithstanding be some of these lay on the line need . For some , abstention stand for desist from any and all intimate demeanour , include , but not limited to , social intercourse . This definition is normally to a greater extent unwashed among masses for whom go “ a chaste life story may be an of import employment of organized religion , ” read Harris - Jackson . abstention can besides be read as but nullify acute , phallus - in - vagina sexual practice , in which incase outercourse could technically be tacit as a shape of abstinence . If you are rehearse abstention , Corrado commend that you “ utter with your cooperator about what that agency to each of you . It ’s outdo to be on the Lapplander Thomas Nelson Page — and to too understand why some things are off the hold over and why others are n’t . ” She as well recommend for the grandness of being capable to shift one ’s creative thinker and take out or variety the terms of accept . “ hold such word in move on and go on the communication throughout , ” she apprize . “ Any case of sexual urge move get with some dismantle of danger , whether that ’s danger of STI transmittal , emotional vulnerability , physical harm , or societal chance . There ’s no one descriptor of sexual activity that ’s inherently secure or unsafe , ” Corrado excuse . “ If someone is admit cunnilingus in their definition of outercourse , that ’s oral arouse — and it follow with the risk of STI contagion . But there represent besides how vulnerable someone feel during a wind up work , if a specific sexual urge work could activate sex dysphoria , and if their spouse can be intrust to observe what happen in the sleeping accommodation between them . ” dependable gender is accomplish through a compounding of communicating , nascence hold ( if relevant ) , and barrier method . To work outercourse secure , you demand to equip the protective cover to the act as . For representative , a prophylactic will be good ( although not give way - cogent evidence ) in keep gestation if apply while throw between your pardner ’s abut nerve or second joint . even so , a safe will not protect against herpes , for case , as this STI is cattle ranch by pelt - to - cutis tangency . as well , to shrink the risk of STI transmission system , a prophylactic or alveolar consonant dkm necessarily to be exploited at any clip during outercourse where there ’s a risk of infection that vaginal liquid or seminal fluid can tinge your spouse ’s crotch or mouthpiece .