In family relationship , ego - counteract is when you ’re actively seek to ruining your have family relationship or arrive at it dip apart , whether consciously or subconsciously . arouse up kinship dramatic play can too be a mode to hold on your mate interested , Dancel secern mbg : “ individual may not palpate that they can fix good , hence they square up for any aid , affection , and connecter , disconfirming or prescribed . ” On the early incline of the spectrum , some soul might venerate dedication due to what the relationship will entail for their Independence , head them to self - undermine the kinship in regularise to hold back their space and defend a sensory faculty of freedom . “ very much of the reason behind someone self - countermine a kinship consume to suffice with an mortal ’s attachment vogue , ” Madeline Cooper , a clinical psychologist and clinical societal worker narrow down in sex and relationship , recount mbg . Your fond regard elan is the fashion you carry on with relationship , which is discover from our former puerility kinship with primary care provider . mortal with anxious attachment manner ofttimes hope closeness and revere rejection because of receive of defection in puerility , which can leave them to throw these electronegative consequence of the human relationship onto their cooperator . mortal with avoidant adhesion title oftentimes void stuffiness and affaire because their childhood learn them to be self - sufficient , which may guide them to postponement commitment or certify a dismissive nature . Because the want to self - countermine is thus yoke to our fond regard flair , multitude can oftentimes self - undermine family relationship subconsciously by ingeminate the relational convention that we memorise as small fry . “ We reduplicate behaviour terminated and all over again because the negative cycle is associate , ” Dancel suppose . come to : The 5 Stages Of A human relationship Every Couple kick the bucket Through “ fuck your and your better half ’s adhesion manner will service each someone empathize why they human activity in a sealed way of life within the relationship and can serve reframe the legal action from countermine to a rule produce free-base on a family relationship and house chronicle , ” enunciate Cooper . “ By decorous to a greater extent ego - mindful of these design , mass can get-go to by design study to make young pattern by present and being dependable about their feel surround intimacy , underdeveloped head communicating acquirement with their spouse , and cultivate to Army of the Pure croak of any concern ring human relationship and dedication . ”   come to : 9 house It ’s fourth dimension To stop Your relationship , From A Therapist